Are We Having Sex Too Fast?

[Lee Sullivan]

Are We Having Sex Too Fast?
by E. Lee Sullivan

Back in the day, (don't you just hate that phrase) relationships were built, formulated, designed and had true direction. Somewhat like the ideal for Romanticism, boy meets girl, or vice-versa, boy and girl dated, nothing fancy just spending quality time together, he came over, they talked on the phone, he'd ask her for a "chance", remember, they would commit, so now they were a couple, a pair, i.e. an item, who committed to only dating and being sexual with each other, but sex was the "last" thing on the agenda. Then if everything was going pretty smoothly, sexual intercourse would enter the picture, then some months later, perhaps, oral sex would enter the picture. So in other words, y'all, there was a process, a respectable one, so now today, is that way of relating to boy meets girl still happening? Maybe I've just been watching too many episodes of Sex and the City, but it appears now that, boy meets girl, boy and girl have sex, i.e. standard missionary position, or hang from the chandelier, oral, or maybe even anal. These relationship don't last a year, they don't have "hanging power" (no pun intended) one or the other will move on to the next person. Today are we expected to have sex right away, with all sexual acts on the menu? (So if one is practicing celibacy, they will most likely be "with" themselves, i.e. alone). That leads me to another thought, do we still make love or are we just having sex? If I have to explain the difference to you, then you're just having sex. How does one become a good lover, will that insure that a relationship will last,are men sexually spoiled today, can we be celibate an in a loving relationship? It use to be that sex sealed the relationship, I'm yours and you're mine, so don't have it with anyone else, but not so today. Commitment issues seem to be in peril, divorce is at an all time high, HIV/AIDS is "ravishing" the Black community, even married preachers, married presidents and well known married actors can't seem to keep it in their pants. Like Madea, should women just keep it on, click, click, "lock-down", close the 24 hour candy stores? Committed relationships are "getting harder" if not impossible to find or maintain. I have the answer, most people live from their lower chakras, the energies below the waist, they either don't want to or are too weak to master themselves and use their sexual energy in creative expressions or......... just go clean the house. Women say that men are dogs, down on getting sexed ( a plug for my book) and men are going outside of the race and into male order brides. Women are becoming more powerful and men are becoming more feminine and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Here's your homework assignment, "slow your roll" literally. Fear and control (sometimes ego) are great motivators for having sex, which all too often leaves one or both party, victims and children without the experience of both parents living in a healthy household. So much could be said in this article about sex, modern day relationships and the mastery of self, but the next time you become involved with someone, maybe you should ask yourself, "Am I having sex too fast?" Or maybe it just won't any difference.
(c) els 2006

[Mya B.]

Sista, I agree with you. I often think the same thing. What happened? Everyone is out for themselves and it is all about instant gratification. Even trying to be celibate is hard because, "who are you saving it for?" More than likely you will wait a year or longer for the right person to come along and they will tell you and act they way you want them to be, just to realize they were like every damn body else. I am not bitter. I am not a hopeless person looking for love. I think eventually I will find the right person for me. Then, I wonder, should I be like everybody else, "do me", get my rocks off and so forth, until it happens or wait patiently and hope that my tits don't sag to my belly button. HMMMMMMMM. I agree that fear and ego are great motivators for having sex.

I don't know what this society has become. My mom use to always tell me to date more than one guy in order to keep my options open, but to be honest, I can't even pull one date, let alone several. LOL

[Lee Sullivan]

Dearest Goddess Mya,

Keep Hope alive! As you notices I wrote this work two years ago, and the response remains the same, people don't "court" any more, we might as well have a continous "one night stand from the bar".

Later I will post I lasted article, "A Piece About Sex"

Stay strong,
Goddess Lee